IF THEY MATED
Using advanced computer technology to foretell progeny?s looks
Having spent considerable time devoted to watching late-night TV while in university, I feel I need to revive a sketch from Conan O?Brien?s show called ?If They Mated.? Now that Conan has moved on and retired this bit, SewerBall intends to pick up where he left off in this paean to a great comedian who never failed to try new things.
This was no easy task, but SewerBall dared to boldly venture where other blogs demur. We started by putting advanced computer algorithms to the test and tapped their predictive abilities by inputting hordes of data about each of our subjects that we extracted from their DNA samples. After feeding reams of data sets gleaned from the subject?s genetic code, we constructed complex simulations to foretell what the hybrid offspring of the two distinct genetic sets would look like. Then, we applied the use of age progression software to forecast the progeny?s appearance when it reaches its adult years.
I have full faith in the accuracy of the results yielded from these experiments because we used the same space-age technology that is used for controlling navigation of spaceships, probing deep space to identify celestial bodies orbiting our planet, and precisely calculating the trajectory and velocity of manned probes.